Last month, Book Cafe Keihoku was held at Syu's Bar, so I participated.
The book cafe's theme is "Education, Parenting and Family in the Future".
Based on the experiences of the participants and the cases introduced in the book, we exchanged various opinions on the theme.
This is the first time I've participated.
It was very interesting and I learned a lot from it.
(Ms. Tokiwa the organizer of the book cafe.)
Lately, I've been into Adlerian psychology, which thinks of everything in terms of teleology, and basically rejects etiology such as like trauma and so on.
For example, let's say you have a child who has truant not want to go to school.
If you think about it in an etiology way, the reason the kid became truant is because that he was traumatized by being bullied in a class at school. (There are many possible causes.)
If you think about it in a teleology way, the truant child is choosing by himself not to go to school because the child is afraid to get being bullied again.
("I can't go because I'm afraid" → I choose not to go because I'm afraid.)
In the theory of causes, we depend on others and events that we cannot help ourselves, such as others and past events.
Teleology focuses on how we recognize and act on the events of the past.
In other words, it is up to you to take things.
In this way of thinking, I like the idea of Adlerian psychology because I have the discretion of my life in this way.
This time, however, I had the opportunity to participate in the Book Cafe, which changed my way of thinking. I had to change.
Trauma can be unconscious and its existence cannot be denied, and human psychology is quite complex, so it's not that simple.
Especially in the parent-child relationship, I think there are many challenges because of the close relationship.
There were a lot of interesting stories at this book bar, but I'd like to share with you a story that impressed me.
The following story I want share especially the parent who both working.
The two-income family had two boys, and older boy was a trouble maker.
The older boy was almost expelled from school after an incident when he was in high school.
So, the mother managed to avoid dropping out of school by a promise that she and her boy go to a psychological counselor regularly.
(In the meantime, the younger boy was very easy and was a like a healer for his mother.)
At each counseling session, the mother and child would go to separate counseling sessions, but each time they would talk about nothing.
Counselor: "How are you feeling lately? Do you have a favorite food? It was just a matter of having a casual everyday conversation with him.
They drove tow hours every month for a few months to go to that counseling session just chatting with the counselor.
But somehow the child's problematic behavior was gone and he was able to graduate school.
Since he was able to graduate, the mother and child went to see the counselor to thank for helping them.
Mother: "Thank you very much for everything. Thanks to your help, my child was able to graduate.
Can you tell me, how your counseling has worked my son in a positive way?"
Counselor: "I haven't done anything in particular. You and your son spent the two hours in the car together, talking and spending two hours together a round trip to get here.
That worked on your son.
Spending time together...
The child has become a respectable member of society.
But This time, his younger brother, who was a healer for his mother, has become seriously ill....
The story end.
That's was huge impact on me.
Spending time together... Parenting time is very important.
I'm not spending time with my children enough. I should!!
(For the time being, I played the role of a customer in my daughter's shop play.)
Whoever a child or an adult, if a person doesn't know how to express things, then I think the person will get some kind of output in an unintended way like a sick or problematic behavior.
I think even when I look at my daughter's strange behavior or habits which I think not good but these are done unconsciously to try to get parent attention.
In this Corna virus situation, many people doing teleworking
and I think this is a great opportunity for families to spend time together more.
I should face my family with this mind!
Book Cafe Keihoku was really great. I will definitely participate there again.
Even if you don't live in Keihoku, you can participate in this event.
The last Wednesday of each month is Book Bar Keihoku at Syu's bar.
Check it out below for more information.
Please check a Facebook page for more information about Book Cafe Keihokuku.
Cuisine Ryokan SushiYone
Address: 15-2 Shimogaichi, shuzan-cho, Keihoku, Ukyo-ku, Kyoto-shi, Kyoto 601-0251